Dedicated to:
Craig Finn:
Il miglior dottore
Stephan A. Hoeller:
Ⲡ·ⲥⲁϩ ϩⲟⲗⲱⲥ
ⲧⲁ·ⲧⲁⲡⲣⲟ ·ⲛⲁ·ⲱⲁⲡ·ϥ` ⲁⲡ ⲉⲧⲣⲁ·ⲭⲟ·ⲟⲥ
ⲭⲉ ⲉⲕ·ⲉⲓⲛⲉ ⲛ·ⲛⲓⲙ`
The Fullness
“Let one who seeks not stop seeking
until one finds. When one finds, one will be troubled. When one is
troubled, one will marvel and reign over all.”
-The Gospel of Thomas
“I guess Shepard came outta St. Cloud
with a little ideology, some new way of thinking. A view to the
future. Jesus this might be a mess.”
-The Hold Steady, “I Hope This Whole
Thing didn't Frighten You”
I had a spiritual experience while
laying on my bunk at the Hartford Correctional Center. I am far from
unique in this. Spending high school and a good chunk of college as a
militant atheist, rocking a Venom shirt, and blasting Burzum out the
open windows as I drove past Sunday morning services may have put me
at the far end of the bell curve of likely candidates for a cosmic
epiphany, but jail's firm and unforgiving soil seems ideally suited
for the cultivation of contact with the divine.
It happened on my third day in
custody, just as the dope withdrawals reached their apex. Prior to
that day I had counted myself among the millions of people turned off
by all that “higher power” business at the NA meetings. However,
the Buddha's message of liberation from the suffering that
characterizes existence had struck a gong that very much resonated
with my mindset during the previous five years spent shuffling my
living space from my car to my parents house to detox facilities back
to my car all while struggling with the day to day reality of heroin
addiction. Starting about six months prior to my incarceration I had
gotten into the habit of putting on lectures from a wide variety of
Buddhist sects after I came back from my Hartford runs and then
listening to expositions of the Dharma as I drifted off into
oblivion.
